A Very Gundam Christmas
by Shinigami and Tinkerbell
Summary: What happens when you take the Gundam pilots shopping? It's not pretty. Read this to find out. Sequel to "What I did on my thanksgiving Vacation"
1. The Day after Thanksgiving

A Very Gundam Christm  
  
As told by Camille and Lindsey  
Sequel to What I did on my Thanksgiving Vacation  
  
  
*The Day After Thanksgiving*  
  
  
Wufei woke up with a sick gargle in his stomach, undoubtedly due to the strange and unusual Thanksgiving dinner of the day before.   
"I swear, those pop tarts did this to me," grumbled Wufei. He got up and started to run to the bathroom. When he got there, he was most displeased to learn that the rest of the Gundam pilots were in a line and banging on the door.  
  
"I swear Heero, if you don't get out of the bathroom, I'll rip your sac off like a paper towel! You spend more time in there than a girl!" shouted Duo. "What's the matter, you can't get into your pants? About time you outgrew them, they were cutting off your circulation!"  
  
"Yeah, I have to go really bad man!" said Trowa.   
  
"And I'm the one who actually ate some of the crappy tofu turkey, so I should be let in first!" screamed Quatre.   
  
"Screw all of you, I'll take my sweet time." they heard through the heavy oak door. "Nobody told you all to eat that stuff. You all brought this on yourselves." said Heero.  
  
"See what you say when I bring my foot upside your head!" yelled Wufei, as he started kicking on the door in a mad attempt to get Heero out.   
  
At this time, the four disgruntled pilots all started banging on the door. After a minute, it fell over. They all rushed in and dragged Heero out, then started fighting as to who got to go in next.  
  
"I tasted the bird crap!" Quatre yelled, hitting Trowa in the head with a bottle of shampoo.  
  
"I got beat with a rake" Duo yelled while pinning Wufei down on the floor and squirting toothpaste in his hair "Take that!!"  
  
Trowa grabbed Duo and Quatre by the back of the pajama shirts and threw them out of the bathroom. "Now , Wufei. Its just you and me and I certainly don't intend on leaving here so you can either walk out of here or I can carry you out. Your choice."  
  
Wufei looked at Trowa with the look of " I will kill you boy".   
"Ah, well, you can go first then." said Trowa.  
  
Wufei walked in the bathroom, pushed Trowa out, and shut the door with a slam.  
  
The rest of the Gundam pilots laid in a heap on the floor in front of the bathroom. Heero at the bottom, with Duo and Quatre over him. The pile was completed by Trowa who really did have to pee real bad. He then ran out into the yard.  
  
"You guys know something?" said Duo. "Today is the first official day of the Christmas season. We should go shopping today!"  
  
Heero looked at him. "Like I would go anywhere in public with you. Especially shopping. I hate shopping."  
  
"Still, Duo has a point. We need to get presents. I mean, we are buying each other presents, right?" asked Quatre. "By the way, where's Trowa?"  
  
"Pissing in the yard" said Wufei from the bathroom. "I can see him."  
  
"Okay then. Anyway, we should all head out to the mall. Agreed?" said Duo.  
  
"It beats staying here all day" said Wufei as he exited the bathroom.  
  
"Sure, why not?" said Quatre  
  
"What are you guys talking about?" said a now relieved Trowa as he walked back in the room.  
  
"I guess I'll venture out in public with you all. I fought with you, I suppose I'll survive shopping. Can't be any worse than that." said Heero.  
  
Little did they know as the pilots started a fresh fight for bathroom rights that it could be worse. A lot worse. After all, they were going shopping on the worst day of the year.  
  
The day after Thanksgiving.  
  
  
Author's notes:  
  
Camille: Yeah, if you haven't read our first Gundam holiday fanfic, you missed out. Go back and read it. Now. Stop reading this. Go. STOP. GO. NOW. For those who did read it, keep going. It gets better.  
  
Lindsey: actually, it gets worse. The guys cant shop! For God's sakes they can barely match! And can you see Wufei waiting in line for anything?!  
  
Read and Review, or else we will hunt you down and do unspeakable things to you with a flute. 


	2. We're off to the mall! Tally Ho!

A Very Gundam Christmas  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Here we go to the mall, tally-ho!  
  
  
  
After a grueling morning of fights over the bathroom, a very burnt breakfast courtesy of Duo complete with tofu-turkey leftovers(it was the only thing left in the house, much to their dismay) they were finally ready to go to the mall. They grabbed their wallets and headed out to the van.  
  
"Now, who's driving?" Said Quatre. "Yeah, my lisence is still suspended." said Heero. "I don't like driving when we're all in the car." Said Trowa. "Why don't we let Wufei drive? He's pretty good at it!" said Duo. "I was going to drive anyway, you bunch of pansies. I'm the only one with skills." Stated Wufei. "Give me the damn keys."  
  
Reluctantly, Heero gave Wufei the keys. They all knew they were in for a rough ride.  
  
"Alright then, let's go and get this over with." Said Wufei. "Everyone get in."  
  
Driving down the interstate  
  
  
  
"Would you slow the hell down? I swear we're doing 90 mph!!!" screamed Trowa.  
  
"Actually, we're doing 110 mph. And shut up, I hate backseat drivers." Said Wufei.  
  
"Well, I would like to live to get to the mall," said Duo.  
  
"Aw man, carsickness..." moaned Quatre.  
  
"Omae o korosu, Omae o korosu..." Chanted Heero in a mantra-type way with his knuckles turning white from the death grip on his seat.  
  
All of the Gundam pilots with the exception of the driver started to pray that they would live as Wufei cut in front of a semi.  
  
"Watch where you're driving you fat *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppp* (A/N- We dare not repeat what Wufei said. Just know that it was mean and contained many four letter words that we don't' feel like typing. Trust me, we will leave it to your own imagination to fill in the bleep.)  
  
"What did you do that for? He had the right of way!" said Heero.  
  
"Shut up, your licence is revoked. You sucker punched a cop that was only going to give you a warning. You have no right to critisize my driving. So sit back and enjoy the ride."  
  
"How will I enjoy the ride if I'm dead?!" shouted Duo.  
  
"I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP WHILE I'M DRIVING!!!!!" screamed Wufei.  
  
Just then, a feeble old lady driving a big Cadillac (we all know that the older you get and the more your driving skills diminish, the bigger your car gets) cut Wufei off. Yup, this old lady had the audacity to cut off Wufei. Boy, is she stupid.  
  
"Wha-, did she, ohmygod, she cut me off!" whispered Wufei. The remaining pilot's blood ran cold. They knew the Rage of Wufei was about to come out in full swing. And come out it did. In one swift manuver, Wufei swung the van to the next lane, sped up to an unlawful speed, until he was right next to the old bat. "CUT ME OFF WILL YOU, YOU OLD HONKY FUCKER? I'LL SHOW YOU!" he screamed in a frenzy. "Wufei, what are you doing man? She's old, she doesn't know what she's doing!" screamed Duo, not only in fear for their own lives, but for the old lady's. "Yeah, have mercy on her Chang! She looks like she's scared to death!" said Trowa. "SHE WILL BE DEAD WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH HER!!!!" "Don't kill the old lady! Even I wouldn't do that!" screeched Heero. Quatre moaned and stuck his head out the window and puked.  
  
The poor old lady was scared out of her wits. She pulled over to get off at the exit. Unfourtunately for her, she was going to the same mall as the Gundam pilots. So they in turn followed her.  
  
Which means.....  
  
Wufei got to scare the hell out of her as they pulled into the lot.  
  
Now, we all know that the day after Thanksgiving is the biggest shopping day of the year. So naturally, parking is not an easy task.  
  
And who should be compeating for the same spot than Wufei and the old fart.  
  
Watch. It gets better.  
  
Wufei stared at the old lady with fire in his eyes. She stared at him with fear.  
  
With one swift yank of the steering wheel, Wufei glided into the parking spot just as the old lady went for it. She rear-ended the van as her reflexes proved slow.  
  
"Perfect. Just what I wanted." Said Wufei.  
  
"Aw man, you just to scare the crap out of her. Leave her alone, you scared her enough." Said Duo.  
  
Quatre squealed, "Don't hit her!"  
  
Heero slowly peeled his hands from the seat. He was too shocked that he was alive to even speak to Wufei.  
  
Trowa moved to try and calm the old lady, but she whacked him in the shin with her cane. She then started towards Wufei.  
  
"Now listen here you young whippersnapper, you had no right to try and kill me on the highway back there. You need to respect your elders. Now apologize."  
  
Wufei threw his head back and laughed like laughter was going out of style. And not just any laugh. One of those bone-chilling maniacle laughs that makes you want to run away. The old lady flinched.  
  
"Me? Apologize to you? That will be a cold day in hell. You cut me off. You're driving a car that is the size of an tank and you can barely see over the wheel! You should apologize to me!"  
  
"No way sonny, you were wrong for what you did! I almost had a heart attack!"  
  
Wufei smiled. "That's what I was going for."  
  
"Why you---" the old lady took a swing at Wufei with her cane.  
  
"Ohmigod lady, you don't want to do that!" yelled Duo.  
  
But it was too late. Wufei grabbed the cane and smacked the old lady upside the head. She screamed and ran back to her car and drove away. As she drove off, Wufei held the keys to her car so she left with a nice long reminder not to ever cross the path of Chang Wufei ever again. (translation: he keyed the crap out of her nice Caddy.)  
  
"Now that our business here is finished, let's go do what we came here to do. Shop."  
  
And with that said, the pilots headed into the mall.  
  
Author's notes:  
  
We're sorry if we offended any old people. But we all know what we said is true. Heck, I saw one yesterday, in a really big car. I t doesn't make any sense.  
  
Camille: Yes, you know I was in charge of this chapter. Wufei received all the glory!!!! As he should!  
  
Lindsey: Sorry it took so long. Yeah, Duo didn't get many lines, but he will later. We'll type more soon!  
  
Review, review, review!!!!!!! 


	3. Authors' notes and an apology

Authors comments.  
  
Sorry we haven't gotten back to this fic in awhile, but CAmille has been in the Army (swear to Bob, but she got out of it.) and I can't write without her because it's our joint fic,and that would be wrong, or something like that. We are going to work on it and expect the next chapter within the week.  
  
Hugs and skittles to all who still pay attention to our fics,  
-Lindsey and Camille. 


	4. Chapter three thats been awaited for awh...

A Very Gundam Christmas chapter Three.  
  
Dedicated to: Ashkara(for letting us get away with the longest pause in a fic known to man), Starlit Artemis (you rock!), Tom (Camille's boyfriend, everyone cheer for Tom!),Alain and April (who are going through a rough spot) ad anyone else, please forgive us, we are truly aorry and should be tackled by Bucky.  
Authors' notes: Hi! Lindsey here!First off, sorry for the long wait but SOMEONE *glares at Camille* had to get sucked into the Army for a month. Now onto business. What should we do to Relena?  
  
A. Kill her now losers!!!!  
B. Emotionally fillet her bony ass.  
C. Leave her out alltogether.  
or   
D. Make her do a celebrity deathmatch with anyone who leaves us a nice review.   
*big puppy-dog eyes* Let us know which one you guys want to see. Please? Don't leave us hangin' or we'll send our shoulder devils after you, not to mention Bradley, Stanley, the leprechaun who lives in my toaster, The Wounded Wallabys that are almost healed, and Bob the Killer Tomato. Pick your poison.  
  
Camille: Disturbing things will be bought at the Mall. The next chapter will follow this one quickly.  
Where we left off...  
  
And with that said, the Pilots headed into the Mall.  
  
"What the HELL is going on here?!" yelled Heero over the noise of mobs of children shrieking about "Santa!" and brats crying over toys not bought in store windows, and parents popping prozac like Pez.  
  
"This, my friend," Duo announced, slinging an arm over Heero's shoulders, "is called Christmas shopping."  
  
"Gods, protect me from the evil little ankle-biters that you have so evilly put before us." Wufei closed his eyes, as in prayer, or great pain. "This is even worse than Quatre in the "Build-a-Bear store."  
  
"Hey!! You were the one that wanted to go in! I was jsut trying to finish my bear without Heero shooting it."  
  
"Tough luck Chuck! Lets get a move on if we want to get out of this Preppy paradise anytime soon",Duo burst in trying to get the other four to walk out of the doorway. "Move the tushes people! You're making people wait to get through the door."  
  
"It's probably that old woman back for round two" Wufei sneered as if a weakling like an ancient onna can take me down. HA! Its laughable!"  
  
"........" (A.N. Guess who, c'mon, its no fun if you dont.)(Additional A.N. Yes, we know Trowa has words and does speak from time to time, but our shoulder devils made us do it, and Trowa was feeling left out. All better? Bye!)  
  
"Ok, ok, we're moving. So where do we go to first?" Heero asked with a grip on the back of Duo's shirt, who was struggling to get free to go to Hot Topic. (A.N. We keep on showing up like the Bubonic Plague! You can't get rid of us!. Ahem, anyways Hot Topic is our favorite store, go check one out, and go get a happy bunny shirt. Sport that fucker loud and proud!)  
  
"Let Maxwell go into his store so we can actually get some shit done, okay, we can put up with it for a little bit.", Wufei turns to Duo, "Maxwell! If you're not out here in20 minutes we will carry your bony butt out of the store and throw you in the potted plants outside."  
  
30 minutes later...  
  
"I was out here ten minutes ago on the dot! You losers were the ones that were sucked in!", Duo yelled pointing at Wufei, "You were the one that insisted that I let you stay in there until you finished reading 'Johnny the Homicidal Maniac' (A.N. Which by the way, kicks ASS! Go read it.)and Quatre was sucked in by the Care Bears, Trowa was in the Trench coat, which looks awesome man, got me one too. And Heero was buying patches. See? Its not my fault."  
  
"I got me a cheer bear!" Quatre giggled past, squeezing the stuffing out of the neck of the fluff-ball.  
  
"I'm going to shoot that thing when we get out of here, then I need to get someone we know to sew these onto a jacket for me, but not Dorothy or Relena because no one trusts them with sharp objects. If I told Sally to, she'd kill me. And I'm not putting the War on hold just to ask Une to do something domestic."  
  
"Do it yourself you weakling, If you can pilot a Gundam you should be able to sew on a couple of patches onto a stupid sissy jacket."  
  
"What did you say Chang?" Heero growled stepping up to our 'Fei poodle like he had "Big Man Status"," Because if you ever say that again I'll make sure I can tickle your tonsils with my toes."  
  
"Who the HELL do you think you're talking to, Powder Puff?! I could take you with one leg chopped off and the other infected with Gange Green!"  
  
"Guys! You shouldn't be fighting at aWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!  
*SPLASH!!!!*  
  
Wufei and Heero stood up, dusting their hands off. "Show you not to step into a fight!" The other two boys watched as a murderously pissed off Blonde pulled himself out of the fountain. (A.N. y'know, the thing that kids throw their change into, and it looks so fun to play in?)  
  
"Umm , don't quote me on this, but isn't that the same look as when he went ZERO on us the last time?" Duo asked, Backing up and fleeing (A.N. love that word.) up the escalater.  
  
"Damn!" Trowa yelled, "Duo wait up!" And he was off, running after the Braided Menace.  
  
AAAAAAAANNNNDDDD thats where we're leaving it folks, just to see if anyone is still interested.  
Please leave us a review, or we'll do the aformentioned things to you.  
  
We'll have the next chapter out so soon, you'll barely blink and it'll be there. 


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